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Mom Guilt

Babies are crazy.

Why can I love someone so much and be so completely frustrated by them?
Why can I wish to be alone and then the moment they leave want them back immediately?
Why are bowel movements at the top of my priority list?

These are the things I scream at myself when I’m trying to pee alone.

Being a mom is the greatest. But it’s so easy to complain. Because, let’s be honest, getting pooped on after you’ve had your first shower in 3 days is ridiculous by any standard. It’s so easy to talk about the horrific things that happen. And things get horrific, daily.

This is the only way he would take a nap a few days ago. Mini panic attack. I pulled it off once he was asleep.
This is the only way he would take a nap a few days ago. Mini panic attack. I pulled it off once he was asleep.

But sometimes I remember why this motherhood thing is so amazing.
Like when your toddler is the only one who thinks your jokes are funny. Or when he says “I love mommy” for the first time. Or that feeling of holding a newborn and knowing they’re completely dependent on you. It feels so big. So weighty. And so terrifying amazing.

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But also, there’s so much pressure.

I don’t know about you, but my mom is awesome. I have so many great childhood memories and sometimes I feel like I can’t give my kids what I had as a child. My mom didn’t put this pressure on me. I put it on myself when I’m having a bad day. You know the kind of day I’m talking about. Everyone is cranky, my toddler somehow forgot that he’s expected to do things like walk or eat (unless he sees a piece of chocolate), and I have to make up things to do so I can justify loading up the car and getting out of this pit of a house that I don’t want to clean.

Then there are the social media moms that have it all together and plan activities like “sensory tables” while their children eat carrot sticks and sing hymns. Don’t get me wrong, I think all those things are wonderful and my goal is to have well-behaved, Jesus-loving, vegetable-eating children. But when we’re having one of those difficult days, that feels like pressure.

Again, the pressure comes from an idea in my own mind of how things should be. Those moms have bad days too. Why do I feel bad about myself when they share their happy moments? It should be encouraging. Should.

He saw his cousin use the potty and wanted to try. 15 minutes of making this face then checking for pee.
He saw his cousin use the potty and wanted to try. 20 minutes of making this face then checking for nonexistent pee.

My mom gave me some advice when I was venting my frustration to her. She told me to accomplish one thing a day. Whether it’s taking the kids to the park or simply folding the laundry I’ve been neglecting (or covering Daniel’s shift at the Coffee Barn so he can have alone time with the babies, because it feels SO nice to get out of the house). One thing. It sounds easy but some days it feels like a huge accomplishment. And it is big! Because as a mom, I didn’t just do one thing. I did one thing on top of all the necessary daily tasks that are involved in keeping little humans fed, clothed, clean(ish), and alive.

If you can relate, I hope this is an encouragement to you. And If you have a particularly horrifying mom story PLEASE share. Is it wrong that I love those kinds of stories? It makes me feel normal. And if that’s twisted I really don’t care. Excuse me while I go snuggle my babies.

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15 thoughts on “Mom Guilt

  1. I love your writing! Can completely relate and could sit and tell you stories from raising our children all day long =) Still in it! I am learning that these crazy days are what the kids laugh at now that they are grown and have the fondest memories of! You are a great mama! Just enjoy them and get a little done along the way!

    1. That’s awesome! Thank you for the encouragement 🙂

  2. YES! So much pressure! The only sensory type activity my child wants to do is pick his nose… Every single time I turn around. This mom thing is hard and there are good days and then there are really bad days! No one tells you how much you’re going to love it and completely hate it (did I just admit that? ). Guilt. Sometimes I can’t help but to feel like I’m totally failing at this mom thing. But goodness I’m doing my very best. Thanks for sharing Darb I can relate on every level.

    1. Yes, Freeman has a nose picking obsession as well haha. So glad you could relate! Somehow (miraculously) I think kids tend to remember the positive. That’s what I’m telling myself.

  3. Jana cut her own bangs and Ali’s clothes and barbies when she stole safety scissors from mom at age 3. Mom forgot to pick me up from school age 8. I choked on a candy and jana turned the tv up so I had to save myself. I let Jana ride her bike with her eyes closed and she slammed into the car. Ali rode the bus home even though mom told her she was going to pick her up – straight panic. We’ve made it this far. Your kids will too!

    1. Haha that’s ridiculous. Hopefully we survive unscathed!

  4. On a particularly bad day, one of those days that chaos ruled and the questions kept coming at me from the three little people while I struggled to keep up with the mini disasters they were making, on that day one asked me about the government of Ireland and instead of looking it up or saying I didn’t know, I explained to my young child that Ireland was a myth and didn’t exist and not to ask me any more questions about it! That day will live in history forever! They still remember and tease me. It’s a day that binds us together in laughter, one I would never trade.

    1. That’s hilarious. I love that, thanks for the perspective! I do feel like somehow our shortcomings become amusing over time.

  5. Darby I love you! I’m so very blessed to know your family. Thank you for sharing! xoxo

    1. Love you, My!

  6. You’re doing just fine, my dear! You’ve got your priorities straight and that’s what really matters. Hang in there, because although your days seem very long and like they’ll never be able to dress themselves and tie their own shoes (or even find them), they will be teenagers before you know it. I love you!!

    1. Thanks Aunt Randi! That’s so true, time seems to move so slow but they already look huge to me! Happy and sad all at once.

  7. I love who you have grown up to be, Darby…and I love reading your blog. Your frank honesty is refreshing and encouraging. I’m a proud Granny…

    1. Love you, Granny!

  8. P. S. The photos are great. Keep them coming!

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